I was recently humbled.
Over the holidays I had a conflict with family member. It was painful, stressful, hurtful, anxiety-inducing, and extremely saddening for days. Even at this moment I struggle with the events that unfolded. It has left me feeling many things; one of which is a renewed sense of compassion, respect, and empathy for my clients. Not that I didn’t have that before. But just in the way that empathy hits harder coming from someone who truly knows what you’re going through–I was reminded of why I chose this profession in the first place.
I am currently catching up on paperwork and client files at the end of the year to start anew next year. In doing so, I've reflected a lot on my clients, their progress, and all the vulnerability and conflict that arises in dealing with family, friends, partners, and other relationships. Just like me. How human of us.
I realized that I am asking the absolutely hardest thing out of my clients when I ask them to consider choosing vulnerability in their relationships. To choose to show up in a vulnerable honest raw way is such a scary thing to do.
If your relationship with that person was housed in a room you kept under lock and key, it is an incredibly vulnerable and courageous experience to unlock and open that door willingly. To address whatever is on the other side. You are opening a door to a dark room, which can be a very scary thing. And you may not be sure–that despite doing the hardest, most vulnerable, most courageous thing by opening that door–that they (your spouse, your parent, your sibling, your friend, your partner–whoever!) would walk through it with you to the other side. That instead of reacting in the typical way–with anger, or shutting down, or sweeping it under the rug, or vindictiveness, or whatever other way feels like our default settings–we can actively make another choice. To show up aligned with our values in the hopes that one day we will feel well, brave, aligned, and whole.
Whatever you choose to do–whether to keep that door locked and secure or to risk opening it–I hope my current (and future) clients know I mean it when I say “I understand.” I don’t think there’s ever a right or wrong here. There is only living with whatever decision we choose to make and doing our best to make it feel right.
I am humbled because I am reminded of how difficult this work is on the other side of the therapy room. And I hope to continue affirming my clients of their courage in continuing to choose this hard work.
I see you.
At Belonging Counseling, we offer individual and couples therapy in Austin, TX. Interested in services? Contact us here.
