Advocating for Yourself with Health Professionals
Have you ever avoided going to the doctor because you were worried you’d be dismissed, misunderstood, or told “it’s nothing” without feeling like you were really heard? If so, I’m sorry. Unfortunately, this is an experience I hear about from many of my clients–and one that many people experience in healthcare in the U.S.
So here’s a guide on helping you advocate for yourself while meeting with a healthcare professional–because you deserve to feel heard, informed, and respected when receiving healthcare.
Before Your Visit
Before you meet with your healthcare provider, it’s important to know this: advocating for yourself doesn't mean your provider will always agree with you or recommend what you hoped they would. It means you deserve to understand why they're making a recommendation, have your concerns taken seriously, and participate in decisions about your care.
So reflect on the following questions. You don’t need to have perfect answers. But this will help you be more clear on what you need out of your visit, so you may feel more prepared.
Reflection questions:
What do I want to get out of this appointment?
What symptoms, concerns, or questions do I want addressed?
What am I worried might happen?
Is there anything I need from my provider to feel safe, respected, or comfortable?
Are there identities that are important/preferred for your provider
to have? (e.g., female provider, a provider of color, a queer-affirming provider etc.)
This may be important when choosing a provider, but keep in mind it’s not 100%
assured you’ll get the particular experience you’re looking for.Are there any boundaries or accommodations I want to communicate?
Self Advocacy Can Feel Vulnerable
Self-advocacy can sometimes feel vulnerable to us for a lot of reasons. Maybe it’s the way we grew up with our parents/caregivers, maybe it’s our own fears/insecurities. Regardless, I recognize advocating for yourself is easier said than done. It can feel uncomfortable to speak up, especially when you’re already scared or vulnerable.
People may worry about:
being perceived as difficult
upsetting the provider
seeming like a hypochondriac
asking “stupid” questions
challenging someone's expertise
being told you're wrong
being judged for your identity, weight, sexual history,
mental health, etc.
When I had my son, I had a fear of a catheter being used on me, which is a standard practice after an epidural or during surgery. I had experienced medical trauma in the past and the idea of a catheter was very activating and uncomfortable.
I had planned with my therapist (therapists have therapists!) what I would say beforehand. And despite feeling fearful of coming off as difficult or dumb, I advocated for myself and told the nurse I could/would not use a catheter and if there were alternative options. To my relief, the nurse was kind, empathetic, and understanding. Unfortunately, the catheter was absolutely necessary, but they offered to place it once I was under anesthesia. It was a compromise, but I’m so glad I took the risk of asking for what I needed.
During Your Visit
You can bring someone with you. Not always necessary but sometimes it’s helpful to have a support person. They can help you remember to ask questions or take notes or simply be there for emotional support.
Plan plenty of time to arrive. This can help ease anxiety when you’re taking your time. Bring a bottle of water and anything else that can help soothe you. Perhaps some headphones or a book while you wait.
Write down any questions or concerns you have and bring them to the appointment.
Ask your nurse / doctor what you can expect from this visit (if relevant and if no one has explained it to you before). Sometimes it also helps to ask a receptionist or nurse over the phone prior to the appointment.
If you are experiencing any pain or discomfort, tell your provider.
If you’re wondering whether a particular screening or test might be appropriate, it’s okay to ask about it. Your provider may have a reason for recommending or not recommending it, but you deserve to understand that reasoning.
If you don’t understand something, stop them and ask. You are allowed to ask questions. You can literally say, “I’m not sure what you mean—can you explain that?” You don’t need to pretend you understand medical jargon just because you’re sitting in a doctor’s office.
If you are offered a prescription, be sure to ask what kinds of side effects it has. If you do not like what those side effects are, you’ve had a bad experience in the past, or you are uncomfortable with what has been offered to you, be sure to ask your healthcare provider for other options. Then, work together to agree on an option that is best for you.
After Your Visit
First and foremost, pat yourself on the back. That must’ve been really hard! If you have avoided going to the doctor/medical provider, it’s quite the accomplishment to overcome that fear to get the care you need.
Take some time to process the aftermath with a trusted friend, loved one, or a therapist. Reflect on whether you need follow-ups or other opportunities to address things you didn’t get a chance to ask. It’s okay if you didn’t get to everything. You are learning to be an advocate for yourself, and with anything worthwhile, sometimes it takes practice.
Advocating for yourself may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’ve had experiences where speaking up didn’t feel welcome. But you don’t have to be perfectly confident to advocate for yourself. Sometimes advocacy is simply being scared and asking the question anyway. It’s okay to advocate for yourself with a shaky voice, tears in your eyes, or whatever other reaction your body has.
And if you had a poor experience with a provider who made you feel rushed, dismissed, and/or minimized, consider a new provider. You deserve a provider who listens to your concerns, explains their recommendations, respects your boundaries, and communicates with you.
